Even if you were horrified at the idea of hovering over your child as Amy Chua did in her polarizing 2011 bestseller “The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” I’m betting there was a part of you that looked at her perfect children with at least a tinge of envy. As portrayed in the book, Chua’s magic formula of no playdates, no TV and always being No. 1 in everything (except for gym and drama, of course) ended up producing two girls who were straight-A students and who also were wildly talented in music. Oh, and they both ended up going to Harvard University.
Critics predicted that daughters Sophia and Lulu would end up being “mentally ill, friendless robots,” according to a recent “where are they now” profile in the Telegraph. Instead, they ended up being “polite, modest and thoughtful” as well as successful, the article says, and they remember their childhood as tough – but happy.
But are the sisters the norm or exception to this type of parenting?
A new study out of the notoriously high-pressure, high-performing Asian city-state of Singapore takes a stab at this question and comes to worrisome conclusions. The research, published in the Journal of Personality, involved 263 children in primary school who was 7 years old when it began and were followed for five years from 2010 to 2014.
The work looks at the dark side of perfectionism – maladaptive perfectionism, in research parlance – and how this develops in schoolchildren.
To teach ESL online from anywhere might look easy, but at the extreme end of the spectrum, parents with what they called highly intrusive behavior can frustrate an ESL teaching jobs by taking over the class to retract a move made by the child.
Children with intrusive parents were more likely to be overly critical of themselves, and this tendency increased over the years. And that high or increased level of self-criticism was correlated to elevated levels of depression or anxiety.
Also, in a home-based online teaching job when parents become intrusive in their children’s lives, it may signal to the children that what they do is never good enough. As a result, the child may become afraid of making the slightest mistake and will blame himself or herself for not being ‘perfect.’ Over time, such behavior, known as maladaptive perfectionism, may be detrimental to the child’s well-being as it increases the risk of the child developing symptoms of depression, anxiety and even suicide in very serious cases.
Research shows that that huge numbers of children exhibited some maladaptive thinking about themselves. Sixty percent were classified as high or increasing in “self-criticalness” and 78 percent of the children as high in “socially prescribed perfectionism.” The majority – 59 percent – had both. Self-criticalness is a measure of concern about one’s own imperfections and mistakes. Socially prescribed perfectionism refers to a belief that one needs to meet unrealistically high expectations.
Previous studies have also been critical of overly intrusive parenting.
Earlier this year, one study by Erica Musser, an assistant professor of psychology at Florida International University, looked at why some children tend to lose a diagnosis of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in their teenage years while it persists in others and were surprised to find that high levels of harsh, negative statements during interviews with researchers appeared to be associated with the continuance of ADHD symptoms.
If you must be a Tiger Mom, encourage rather than pressure children
As characterized by being very emotional about a child and doing things such as using references to when talking about the child’s activities or actions – had an impact on the continuation of ADHD symptoms. (Who hasn’t met that annoying parent who says things like “we’re doing baseball in the spring, and we don’t have time for soccer”?)
With respect to teaching ESL online from anywhere, It is emphasized that there’s an important distinction between parental involvement and over-parenting. For a home-based online teaching job, while parental involvement might be the extra boost that students need to build their own confidence and abilities, over-parenting appears to do the converse in creating a sense that one cannot accomplish things socially or in general on one’s own.
Similarly, those college students with ‘helicopter parents’ had a hard time believing in their own ability to accomplish goals. They were more dependent on others, had poor coping strategies and didn’t have soft skills, like responsibility and conscientiousness throughout college.”
Hong, an assistant professor of psychology at the National University of Singapore, said that parental intrusiveness manifests itself in simple everyday ways: by parents having very high expectations of their children’s academic performance and demonstrating this by urging the child to get good grades or overreacting when a child does something wrong.
This is just the tip of the iceberg of what ESL teachers must deal with in an online ESL classroom.
Happy Teaching! —–Teacher Daniel